You can probably tell which family member is coming upstairs by their step pattern but wouldn’t be able to pick out your own
If my own footsteps were coming down the hall towards me I reckon I would have bigger problems on my hands…
Me right now
Though I may seem at times somewhat distant from you, through the gray mist of my own moods, I am never far; my thoughts always circle around you.
Friedrich Nietzsche (via quotemadness)
my favorite part of babysitting is when a kid catches me eating something and im like “if you dont tell anyone you saw me eat an entire thing of bananas you can say a swear when im here”
kids fucking love to say swear words they could catch me eating a pound of uncooked bacon and wouldn’t say fuck all to anybody as long as i let them say ass
theyre the easiest set of people to bribe ever
UPDATE: My niece caught me eating doritos out of the bag and drinking tea directly from the pitcher and I told her if she didn’t tell anyone she could say “bastard” next time she got frustrated with something
She didn’t tell anyone about me drinking directly from the pitcher and 10 minutes later I heard her call her shoe a bastard and then collapse into laughter.
children are amazing
how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH
English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple
French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme
*800 years of war*
Fun fact: There are a lot of rivers in the UK named “avon” because the Romans arrived and asked the Celts what the rivers were called. The Celts answered “avon.”
“Avon” is just the Celtic word for river.
Fan Fact #2: When Spanish conquistadors landed in the Yucatán peninsula, they asked the natives what their land was called and they responded “Yucatán”. In 2015, it was discovered that in those mesoamerican languages, “Yucatán” meant “I don’t understand what you are saying”
W H E E Z E
How to deal with toxic people
You don’t.
You cut them off immediately and move on with your life.
NEXT
I am going to eat this entire candy cane.
You’re going to get a cavity
good
Its been an hour. I bit my tongue, my teeth hurts and I’m almost halfway done…
One hour and half done. That’s impressive
That takes real skill and perseverance
3 fucking hours
I’ve tasted Satans asshole and it tastes like 3 hours of mint.
Please. Please don’t bring this back.
‘Tis the season.
It’s November
TO BE JOLLY
Up your game this year, OP.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE. WHY???
Tis the season to taste Satan’s asshole falalala lalalala
“Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones. An emptiness began to grow. There’s something out there, far from my home. A longing that I’ve never known.”
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) dir. Henry Selick
quotemadness